Why That “Once-in-a-Lifetime” Connection Keeps You Stuck in the Wrong Love
There’s a certain kind of connection that feels like it only happens once in a lifetime.
It’s intense. Magnetic. All-consuming. You think about him constantly. You feel like he gets you on a soul level. And no matter how confusing, painful, or inconsistent it becomes… you can’t quite let it go.
I know this connection well, because I lived it.
For years, I believed that this kind of love meant something deeper. More meaningful. More real. I thought if it felt this powerful, it had to be right. But what I eventually realized (the hard way) is this:
That “once-in-a-lifetime” connection wasn’t leading me to love…
It was keeping me stuck from the kind of love that actually feels like home.
If you’ve ever been in this kind of connection, you know how convincing it is. There’s a whole world that explains it, one that calls this person your “twin flame.” I went deep into that world. I believed in it. I built years of my life around it.
When I watched the Netflix documentary Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe, it hit close to home in a way I didn’t expect.
My Experience with Twin Flame Teachings
This blog post is my personal response as an intuitive dating coach to the documentary on Netflix called Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe by Alice Hines.
The spine chilling documentary covers the story of an online operation started in 2018 to supposedly help people find their twin flame, and is still running this business as of today’s date: November 22, 2023. I published the date because I’m hoping someone comes across this post in the near future, looks them up out of curiosity, only to see that it no longer exists.
Why We Chase Love When We Don’t Feel Worthy
I’ve helped women be their true authentic self and become more empowered in love and relationships (including the relationship with themselves) as a coach, teacher and healer for over 20 years. My main focus has been to help women see their value and connect to their inner confidence so they can choose what’s best for them in love and life. Many women who work with me have experienced a traumatic upbringing or have a history of unhealthy relationships.
Unfortunately, if you weren’t raised to see your own value, you will chase love in any way you can. That’s what I did.
The Pattern of People Pleasing and Chasing Unavailable Love
At an early age I learned that in order to be loved and seen, I had to make sure the people who had the love to give me were happy. Cue the people pleasing. As a young adult I was very good at choosing the wrong guy over and over again (this spread to all aspects of my life, including friendships, mentors and work relationships). Wherever the love and approval was being doled out, I was there with a smile on my face and an outstretched hand. It became an exhausting life of chasing love all around the globe, scaling mountains and deep sea diving for the love treasure.
The Exhaustion of Trying to “Fix” Yourself to Find Love
And when there was no love to chase I turned inward to berate myself and dismantle all the ways I was “blocking” love. I released and cleared and healed all the wounds that kept me from finding true love. Meanwhile in my spare time I scoured the world and internet for someone to chase… I mean love.
I spent decades cleaning myself up until I was utterly pristine energetically. I was ready for the ultimate love, my twin flame! I heard through the new age internet radio shows of the early aughts that you must prepare yourself for this kind of love. You have to be at your ABSOLUTE BEST or your twin flame will not appear. The elitism of these concepts were lost on me.
When “Twin Flame Love” Leads to Losing Yourself
I did meet someone I thought was my twin flame which led to many years of living out of integrity, and losing all respect for who I was as a person. But I kept going as a good little twin flame soldier does. Until the journey started to lose its appeal. I wondered if finding my twin flame, and not being able to be with him, and going through years of gut-wrenching, soul destroying emotional angst, despair, loneliness and hopelessness was worth it. For several years it was.
The Wake-Up Call That Changed Everything
Until the shame of how I was living my life and the choices I was making on a human level (guess what folks, that’s where it actually counts) ate away at me to the point where I didn’t recognize myself. My self-esteem had scraped the bottom of the barrel. I decided that there was something very OFF about what I was being taught. Finally, I decided to stop questioning myself and began to question the teachings. I started to say WTF?!
It was as if the clouds parted and I saw the light.
What Real Love Actually Feels Like
Yes, I’m still a spiritual person if I don’t want a relationship that resembles a run through Jurassic Park.
Yes, I can have an amazing, connected and loving relationship without having to upgrade to the platinum love experience (ie Twin Flame union).
Yes, I can have a loving relationship that FEELS GOOD MOST OF THE TIME AND I FEEL AT HOME WITH THE PERSON. What a concept.
Yes, I am whole, loved and worthy within myself no matter what. I am enough. I am complete.
Learning to Trust Myself and Choose Differently
With these new truths established I did some healing work. This time the focus was healing my tendency of being duped out of my own feelings, intuition and heart.
My focus for healing was being more in love with who I am and acting in accordance with what I want. I set about mastering my intuition, listening to my gut and following my heart.
I wish I could say I was never fooled again. I did a few major detours until I was able to really hold onto my values and standards and open my heart at the same time.
You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Find Love
I’m happy to report that through this process I met my amazing husband (I call him a unicorn, he’s that wonderful!). He is the love of my life and we have a very spiritual, deeply connected relationship. And we laugh. And we cook together. And we are equals. And we communicate in a healthy way. I’ve never had to change myself to fit his standards or vice versa. Our relationship is very harmonious and conflict is easily resolved with a healthy dose of love and understanding.
Key takeaway: I AM A WORK IN PROGRESS AND STILL MET THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND WE ENJOY A SPIRITUAL, DEEPLY CONNECTED RELATIONSHIP. I AM NOT SPIRITUALLY PERFECT OR HUMANLY PERFECT AND WE STILL MET. BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE HEALED AND PERFECT TO ATTRACT OR DESERVE LOVE LIKE THIS.
If You’re Still Chasing, Read This
If you’re reading this and you’re part of some kind of group or working with a coach who tells you to strive, chase or change your own standards for the mission of being with your twin flame, I’m very sorry you’re going through that. What they are telling you couldn’t be further from the truth.
I hope that reading this you’ve been given a spark of inspiration to go your own way, the way your intuition and heart tells you. And it’s ok that you were duped. Only the smartest, most loving folks get caught up in this web. That’s why manipulative groups target intelligent people. They know that you might get caught in your head sometimes and they can spin you around so many times that you lose your way. Stop and get into your heart. Then follow the wisdom. Your heart won’t steer you wrong.
Ready for Love That Feels Like Home?
If this resonated with you, there’s so much more waiting for you.
On my podcast Stop Chasing Unavailable Guys, I go deeper into how to stop chasing emotionally unavailable love, trust yourself again, and open your heart to a relationship that actually feels like home.
You don’t have to figure this out alone. Come subscribe and listen here:
👉www.trulyeleanor.com/podcast
Because love is closer than you think and it gets to feel so much better than this.