The Top 5 Dating Mistakes That Keep You Chasing Unavailable Guys
Dating over 40 is like throwing yourself into a reboot of a movie you’ve already seen—but with a better soundtrack and way more wisdom. However, if you find yourself chasing unavailable guys, it might be time to reframe the story. Here are the top 5 dating mistakes women over 40 make that keep them stuck in this frustrating cycle—and how to flip the script to finally attract Mr. Right.
1. Dismissing Potential Partners Too Quickly. Limiting belief: “I don’t feel a spark, so we don’t have a connection.” You feel fed up and frustrated.
You meet a guy who’s kind, considerate, and genuinely interested in you. But… no fireworks. He doesn’t give you that electric jolt that you used to feel in your younger years, so you brush him off, thinking, “He’s not the one.”
But hold up—remember Duckie from Pretty in Pink? He was quirky, sweet, and would have been an incredible partner, yet Andie had her sights set on Blane, the “cool” guy. Sometimes, the right guy is the one who grows on you, not the one who instantly lights up your heart like a jukebox in a John Hughes movie. Don’t dismiss the Duckies out there who could be perfect for the long haul.
2. Listening to Negative Comments from Others. Limiting belief: “The right guy is not out there for me.” You feel lonely and unlovable.
You’ve probably heard it a million times: “All the good guys are taken,” or, “Men only want younger women.” These kinds of negative comments can seep into your subconscious and start affecting your confidence and your approach to dating. It’s like letting other people be the DJ of your dating playlist when you should be curating the tracks yourself.
The truth is, these generalizations aren’t fact; they’re fear-based opinions. Your path to love isn’t determined by others’ experiences or cynicism. You’re in the driver’s seat, and it’s time to tune out the noise and crank up your own positive vibes.
3. Not Trusting Your Intuition. Limiting belief: “I can’t trust myself because I keep dating unavailable men.” You feel overwhelmed and confused.
There’s this little voice inside of you—let’s call it your internal GPS—that always seems to know when something feels off. But too often, we ignore it because we’re caught up in the fantasy or invested in the potential of someone. It’s easy to ignore red flags when you’ve been single for a while and are craving connection.
Remember when Andie ignored her gut about Blane? She knew deep down that he wasn’t fully committed, but she stayed on that emotional rollercoaster a little too long. Trusting your intuition could be the key to avoiding the wrong guys and keeping your heart open for the right one.
4. Letting Self-Doubt Dictate Your Choices. Limiting Belief: “I need to lose weight first. I need to learn to be more feminine before I date. I’m too old to date.” You feel sad and ashamed.
Self-doubt can sneak in like a bad 80s perm, leaving you thinking, “I’m too old for this,” or “Love’s just not in the cards for me anymore.” These thoughts are like those dated outfits we cringe at in old photos—totally unnecessary and doing nothing for your confidence.
Here’s the deal: You’re not “too old,” and love doesn’t have an expiration date. It’s time to rewrite your internal script. Instead of focusing on perceived flaws or limitations, start embracing the fact that you’re a total catch with a lot to offer. Your self-worth can be a work in progress if you let it.
5. Focusing on the Other Person Too Much. Limiting belief: “I talk too much that’s why he didn’t call. I can’t flirt, that’s why he doesn’t like me.” You feel anxious and insecure.
When you’re dating, do you often find yourself overanalyzing every move he makes or worrying about how he feels? If so, you’re falling into the trap of focusing too much on the other person and not enough on what you need or how you feel. The most important factor in dating is how you feel when you’re around the person.
It’s like Andie putting her own needs on hold for Blane in Pretty in Pink. But dating shouldn’t be a one-sided effort where you’re always trying to make the other person happy. The right relationship will be mutual, where both of you are equally invested and feel respected. It’s time to focus on building a connection that’s about you both.
Dating over 40 doesn’t have to feel like an endless loop of the same mistakes. By recognizing these pitfalls and shifting your mindset, you can stop chasing unavailable guys and start attracting the love you truly deserve. Just like your favorite 80s movie, love can have an amazing comeback—with you as the star!
Which # resonated with you the most? Hint: which emotions do you feel most often when dating? Share below!